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| October is National Anti-Bullying Awareness Month: don't be a bully, don't tolerate bullying, stand up and speak up. |
Some of my personal memories are finding out after graduation at a party that a boy I had a crush on had stopped trying to date me because the popular girls told him "don't be seen with her, you won't fit in any more with us if you do". Another warm and fuzzy memory is from my junior year of high school, the year I made the all-conference team for fast pitch softball the first time and in fact comes from a long bus ride to an away game during that season. A couple of the popular girls offered me a sucker (lollipop) on the bus, I thought I had been accepted, but I was "the sucker". The moment it was in my mouth they laughed and said they had picked it up off the floor of the bus. I was humiliated and determined not to let them see me cry. I was called "ten-ton-taxi" on the bus ride home from school by my neighbor kids, when I got off the bus and my mother saw I was crying she pried the story out of me, called the mothers of the two boys and it was worse the next day. Graduation from high school meant getting away from that, I was excited about my program choice at the tech. school that fall. One of the popular boys from my high school class lived just up the road, was in the same program and wanted to car pool. The first day I drove he asked me to stay in the car while he walked in so that no one would know we were car pooling, he didn't want them to know he knew me.
I remember how much those things hurt, even so many years later. These events still affect me today, they colour how I interact with others as I am slow to trust, expecting others to use me and hurt me in the end. I still react to criticism with anger, taking it very personally, I hide behind sarcasm. These memories prompted me to speak to my step-kids when they were little about living the golden rule "do to others as you would have them do to you", include those that are left out, be fair, be "good citizens". This even as my husband's ex-wife spread rumors to my co-workers in the community that I was "a home wrecker", a "drunk" and a "whore". Yep, I heard about that from a co-worker, he'd been told that by a friend of the ex-wife's while he was voting, the friend was a poll worker. It's humiliating that it still affects me this deeply. So, October is National Anti-Bullying Awareness month and some very heart warming, very brave stories have surfaced lately. I wanted to share some of those, they are empowering.
Eagle Scout's Anti-Bullying Project: Don't Bully...Be A Friend.
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| Pete Scampavia's Eagle Scout Project logo: Don't Bully...Be A Friend. |
Pete Scampavia chose to do his Eagle Service Project for Troop 162 in Arlington, VA on something near and dear to his heart, bullying. The 22 year old with multiple disabilities, who is now a college student, focused on eliminating bullying and building friendships. You can view his Youtube video Don't Bully - Be a Friend about how to stop bullying here. He calls for action, pointing out that bystanders hold the power to stop bullying in its tracks by choosing to act and be a friend when they see bullying taking place. He states "I did my anti-bullying project because I was tired of my friends being bullied. " WUSA 9 did a feature on his Anti-Bullying Eagle Scout Project. Read more in an article here.
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Prank Backfires at Home Coming.
Whitney Kropp, a high school sophomore was voted home coming court as a cruel joke by class mates. Bravo to her home town in stepping up behind her, a victim of bullying over the years, when she chose to stand up and turn the negative to a positive. Area businesses stepped up to help her make her home coming a success. Even the opposing team showed support for Whitney, their coach saying " Athletics is important, it teaches life lessons but this is an even bigger life lesson." "Do not let them bring you down, stand up for what you believe in... That's what I did." The Today show did a story on how she stood up and prevailed, bravo Whitney, you are so brave.
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You are never too old to be hurt by bullying, and it's never too late to stand up.
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| See Jennifer Livingston, WKBT Channel 8's response to a bully's email here. Retreived from Channel 8 WKBT. |
A Wisconsin news anchor was recently the target of bullying. Jennifer Livingston says that receiving criticism from her viewers is part of her job, but a particularly cruel e-mail had her standing up to make a response. She says that enough was enough when the email said she was a poor role model to young women, as the mother of 3 girls, she felt she had to respond. I say bravo, mass media objectifies women and implants the idea that if we as women are not thin and model pretty that we lack value. With so many teens and young women struggling with self image issues, anorexia and bulimia, literally dying to fit the pop culture image, Jennifer made a stand that should be applauded. Yes, obesity is an epidemic, but many of us women will never be that perfect size 0, and it is our character, what is on the inside that truly counts. It is rather outrageous to think that only thin women are or deserve to be role models. Thank you Jennifer, from the bottom of my chubby heart, you said it better than I ever did. "Do not let your self worth be defined by bullies. Learn from my experience that the cruel words of one are nothing compared the the shouts of many." Read her story on WKBT Channel 8 La Crosse, WI and see her response on the station that she anchors for here.
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Courage comes in many forms and our value is not defined by a dress size.
My fitness journey is a journey to better health for me and those that I love, but those that I love recognized my value at a size 15 just as much as they will at what ever size I settle on as my goal. The cyber age offers the chance to be very brave in our cruelty because we have anonymity. It takes more courage to stand up against bullying than it takes to be the bully, but when you the bystander do stand up against a bully on behalf of someone else, your simple act holds more value than you know. During this month of October, National Anti-Bullying Awareness month, I think back to my experiences with bullies. To draw from Jennifer Livingston's brave words, those who judge me and have bullied me do not know me, they do not know the depth of the pain of their words, how it has affected me or how I have worked to overcome their judgement. You do not define my value as a human, I have chosen to use you to define what I do not want to be, I have chosen to be better than the sum of my parts, or my past.
Pledge to stand up against bullying, speak up when you see it. Stop it.
Update: I was recently called on the carpet about how this post is relevant to a blog about health, fitness and weight loss. I answered with a blog post where I argue how bullying often is due to weight, stresses the bullied and affects their over all health, titled: How Happiness Affects Your Health. Please take a moment to read it, thank you in advance. ~ the Kashubian, the fitter Fitter
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A great update for this post. You may remember Karen Klein, she was the grandmother bus monitor who was viciously bullied on a school bus last year. You can see the CBS story on it here: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7412406n .
ReplyDeleteYou may also know about the fund raising campaign that was done to send her on a nice vacation, over $700,000 was raised. What you may not know is that this wonderful woman has retired, taken that well deserved vacation and used $100,000 as seed money to start an anti-bullying foundation, the Karen Klein Anti-Bullying Foundation. You can read more, donate and get involved with her good work at GiveBack.org. Check it out, get involved and stand up to bullying.